Thursday, December 22, 2011
One of the worst parts about being lazy and this website being dormant for the better part of two years, was all of the glorious gimmicks that we missed out on. It wasn't like restaurants stopped releasing monthly risks and full blown flops. One of these regrets comes in the form of Taco Bell's virgin expedition into Frito Lay's land of chipdom.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Taco Bell Brings Back the Beefy Crunch Burrito and Pizza Hut's Big Dinner Box Caloric Catastrophe [Report]
With fast food restaurant execs too busy orchestrating holiday office parties to release new products this month, it has been pretty slim pickings so far this month. But it looks like our fortunes are about to change more drastically than Chaz Bono's hormonal balance. With the holidays quickly approaching, we're gearing up for the new fiscal years for most companies, which brings new hope for the dreadful and wasted opportunities of 2011.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
This month's featured $5 foot long at Subway aims at the classic "breakfast any time of the day, makes me feel like I'm 9 again" crowd by offering the "Western Egg & Cheese" on flatbread. While something that termed "Western" follows a completely different subset of rules for lunch time fare and fodder, "Western" breakfast typically means onions and green peppers.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Who doesn't love Taco Bell? No other restaurant has spurred its customers into preemptive bathroom trips upon arriving like this fast food Mexican joint does. Can you actually imagine knowing that your ass will quake so bad after eating something that you have to temper the blow by hitting up the john beforehand? That's the world we live in, but dang doesn't their food taste like a trip down Tasty Lane?
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Everyone has been there before. Left broke, ashamed, and in a food drunk daze, wondering on how you spent $40 on gimmick food that was less satisfying than Brandon Roy's NBA career. Your stomach is cramping, you are running low on PSF's only ten minutes after eating, and you begin sweating uncontrollably in resting positions; these are all the classic tell tale symptoms of PDGSD (Post Domino's Gimmick Stress Disorder). All you have left to look forward to is multiple trips to the bathroom, being comatose for days in need of a bedside nurse, and the perpetual feeling that you did something so heinous you need a shower.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
For years now, Panera Bread has been serving up under the radar fast food. By creating a cozy fire place induced atmosphere, serving impulse buy pastries, deli style sandwiches, salads, and soups, charging premium prices for average food, and never needing to hire bus boys because the customer provides that service, no one has really connected the dots that Panera Bread is in fact fast food.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Its as common as the flu these days, Fast Food Philanthropists releasing/changing/ eliminating their menu items to keep up with the Jones. The business of fast food is cut throat. Its like living in that upscale neighborhood where you watch your neighbors roll out new Mercedes Benz and you're stuck with 8 years of paying off your Chrysler Minivan. If you're not releasing something new, and delicious, you're probably that restaurant people are forced to stop at because Mom's bladder is about to burst, and Oscar the family dog has already made the minivan his personal rest stop. Every passer by knows your bathrooms are probably a war zone, and the grease in the deep fryer hasn't been changed since the Teapot Dome Scandal. Lately, it seems as though these establishments are Burger Kings. I cant remember the last nice, clean, upscale BK I have been to in atleast 12 years. Wendys and Mcdonald's are overhauling most of their operations and the results are starting to show.
As I frequent the rest stops and gas station in Western PA for my job, I continually come across newly released chips, dips or munchies. My most recent discovery is the Flamin' Hot Fun Yuns. To be honest, I'm not really a fan of funyuns to begin with, I mean they are like astronaut onion rings. Barely taste like onion, and obviously don't have the texture like an onion ring. It is not even in my top 5 choice of chip, but if there is one thing I am a sucker for its spicy foods or snacks.
Hope all of you loyal readers have been enjoying yourself this week. But it's currently Tuesday, and if you're in the western hemisphere, chances are the weather is miserable. And if you're like us, depressing and downtrodden weather makes you want to crush terrible for you food. There's something about the idea of empty calories that makes the human psyche somehow believe life will get better. The only problem is, all fast food ever does is leave you lonely, broken, aching, and in need of baby wipes.
As we all know, Americans are known across not only our own great land, but also across the world, as the biggest and most obese set of slobs in all of the world. But hey, with states like Texas offering up 6 pound steak challenges and shows like Man vs. Food existing, its hard to argue that this is true. Just ask Adam Richman. The man's decomposition was on display for the whole country to see through the first three seasons of the show where he got more chins and more haggard in every episode. So much so, he had to give up the gig during the 4th season and allow other local fatties to do the challenges.
Monday, December 5, 2011
While December has just started to kick in for most of you out there, and realize that you might actually have to venture out of your basement to do some holiday shopping before you sorely disappoint your mother with another "homemade" Christmas gift, the world of fast food continues to evolve and devolve every day. While it is known that December is the slowest month of the year for fast food eateries due to holiday parties and family get together's larger than Charlie Weiss' fupa, many restaurants take this time to throw out acts of desperation.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
As time continues rolling on, I'm still amazed that fast food commercials are legal. Considering the prestigious image we are presented, it would seem likely that fast food was hand crafted, ingredient by ingredient, by someone with a chef's hat as high as the ceiling. But as we all know, the bitter truth is that some lifer named Rodney or an ex con named Tre'Marcus is in the back throwing ingredients together with reckless abandon.
Friday, December 2, 2011
While we often kid about Chick-Fil-A and their religious undertones, it's hard to ignore just how glorious their food can be. While delivering the best grilled chicken sandwich on the market with the FFG approved Chargrilled Chicken Club sandwich, having what are widely considered the best fries in the market with their eggo style fritters, their true gem sparkles as #4 on their menu and #1 in our hearts. Arriving in May of 2010 with the fanfare, pomp, and circumstance of a major sports title, the original and deluxe Spicy Chicken roared into life.