Beverage Review: Nestle Pure Life Tropical Fruit Splash

The world of beverages is continuously flourishing beyond me wildest dreams. I find myself walking into convenience stores sometimes just to see what new things the bottler has come up with this week. My local Sheetz sported a whopping twelve beverages that I deemed reviewable when I saddle bagged my way into the store the other night. While there will never be a shortage of things to review, I never dreamed I would find something in my own fridge at the homestead. Being home for the holidays is always interesting, just to see the changes and alterations being made around the house while you've been gone. I remember last year, my family converted to chunky peanut butter out of nowhere on me. Things like this are typical, but whenever I perused the basement fridge upon my arrival, I was astounded to see Tropical Fruit Splash bottled water by Nestle.

First off, when did Nestle fool the world into believing they were anything more than chocolate and candy bars? They've been making bottled water for years and I knew that, but in the end this is like Subway deciding they'll start producing and distributing belt sanders. Well not quite like that, but you catch my drift.

Next, as all of you know, I'm a huge fan of diet and calorie free anything. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm a huge proponent of just a normal bottle of water. Its refreshing, quenches your thirst, and is entirely healthy for you. But what about adding flavor to this proposition? I know that flavored bottled water is nothing new, but all of the flavors have been standbys and the norm. The biggest risk I've ever seen is strawberry kiwi.



As you can see, the nutritional facts are multicultural friendly. Just in case you needed to comprehend calorie free in Spanish.

This drink is pretty darn tasty. The combo of pineapple, oranges, cherries, and what appears to be mango combine for a taste that makes my taste buds sparkle like a 3 way light bulb. In no way does the flavor fit right in like a lemonade, kool aid, or sugar ridden beverage would, you can still taste the Splenda, but all in all this water has what it takes to take you back to the summer eve's even in this winter monotony.

I'll give the Tropical Fruit Splash a 4/5.

Nestle Pure Life Tropical Fruit Splash: 4/5

PS. Its a bad idea to try and fool someone into sipping this thinking that it is regular water. I've always found that when you're brain is prepared for one thing and then you sip on something drastically different, projectile spitting will inevitably ensue.

Update: Thanksgiving for Fast Food

Hey Guys,

This is Andrew checking in on the eating holiday of the year. No, I won't be hitting up any of the local fast food eateries today, but I wanted to give you, the readers some updates about what McDonald's has been up to recently. For those of you have not noticed, the McNugget is trying to become a big deal again. Coupled with some truly outlandish commercials, the clown has established a Nuggnut ad campaign, trying to get America to open up and express their heartfelt gratitude for fried clusters of chicken that are either ball or boot shaped. One commercial includes a wedding reception where the wedding cake is made entirely out of nuggs and then the loving couple interlocks arms, dips, and then commences their marriage with a bite of desire. But then there's this commercial. There just aren't any words to describe the slimy and cheeseball fashion of this commercial. But I'm not gonna lie, I love it. My world stops for thirty seconds whenever I hear this lusty tale of R&B gold.

"I know your secret, you've been dippin on me" and "Girl you gotta ten piece, please don't be stingy" are quite possibly the quotes of year. Balls on McDonalds.

In other news, the economic recession may have finally hit McD's with their double cheeseburgers. Originally put on their menu as an almost loss leader (something that actually loses the company money, but will bring customers in to the store in the hopes that they would buy more profitable items such as beverages and fries), the double cheeseburger has been extremely popular. The double cheeseburgers do not actually lose McDonald's money but they are certainly not their most profitable item. McDonald's had originally hoped that people would buy fries with their double cheeseburgers, but people ended up buying two burgers instead of fries Word on the street is that McDonald's franchise owners have never been a fan of the dollar menu and it has caused profits to drain. So in an attempt to rekindle the tender relationship, McDonalds has decided to introduce the McDouble Burger onto the dollar menu. This is the same as the double cheeseburger, with two buns, two patties, but only has one slice of cheese intermingled between the patties. The drop from one slices to two, saves McDonald's around six cents per burger. The original double cheeseburger, with its two slices of cheese will still be available for $1.19. What a crazy world indeed. Its hard to believe that people will meander through their wallets to shell out the extra 20 cents for an extra slice of cheese.

I want to apologize to the readers for the lack of posts recently, but being college students first and foremost, we've been extremely busy as of late. With holiday breaks upcoming, I promise to you that G&GG will be posting smoothly once again. Enjoy the turkey and have a splendid morrow.

Review: Wendy's Classic Cinnamon Roll vs. McDonald's Cinnamon Melt

The tongue and its surrounding taste buds have many needs, wants, and cravings. People always crave something salty, something sweet, something buttery, or something chocolate sauced. It is just human nature for your palate to want different things, even if it’s combining things that just don’t make sense. Chili and pancakes anyone? Milkshakes and French fries? Cinnamon rolls and burgers? Ah yes, this is precisely why fast food restaurants have been producing baked goods for years. There’s nothing quite like biting into meaty, heaping burger and then following it up with a bite of a sugary and flaky pastry.

I’ve always considered myself strange when it comes to eating. I was quite picky as a child, but have loosened up in college, because I have the “I’ll eat whatever I can get” attitude. I’ve always been a sectional eater. To define this behavior: if my plate has differing items, I eat one thing first and then move on to the next. Thus, I eat one section at a time. It all started one day during a childhood visit to Denny’s whenever the dreaded egg/pancake dish was thrust upon me. Always a fan of condiments I tried to bamboozle ketchup onto my eggs and syrup onto my flapjacks without creating a combo factor. Next thing I knew I was intertwined in nonsensical flavors like a trip to the county fair on moving day. Scarred and bewildered, I haven’t been quite the same. But I feel like its time to move on. So during a recent trip to Wendy’s and McDonald’s g&gg decided to take on the respective cinnamon roll offerings from each of the establishments.



Wendy’s has done everything they can to make you want to eat breakfast. Having just started their breakfast offerings in the last year, Wendy’s has tried to create a culture of quality around their breakfast offerings, with clever slogans such as “not having to settle on quality” and “it’s waaay better than breakfast, its Wendy’s”. The funny thing is most if not all of their products are take offs or shingle shammers of McDonald’s breakfast choices. G&GG plans on having a Prize Fight Battle Royale at some point in the not too distant future to try and determine, once and for all where you, the consumer should go to consume 600 calories before stepping foot into work.



Looking at Wendy’s new Classic Cinnamon Roll, you can’t help but think of Saturday mornings back home, the simpler times if you will. It’s a no frills, (sad to say) no gimmicks approach to the cinnamon roll. Its flaky, it has the desirable tear away layers, it’s got a sweet, distinctive flavor, and it is oodled with sweet glaze icing.



As you can see, there was plenty of icing to go around and it left quite the aftermath. Regardless, the Classic Cinnamon Roll was grandiose and I have to give it a 4/5.



McDonalds in the course of three years, has went from the traditional cinnamon roll to something they have entitled, Cinnamon Melts. I can’t really give a good description of what these things actually look like. Maybe a budding flower, maybe pinwheels of joy, maybe fluffy cinnamon blobs, but whatever the case, they made for delicious bite sized wonder. McDonald’s offering is also very tasty but I have to give a slight edge to the Classic from Wendy’s. The Cinnamon Melts get a 3.5/5 in my book.

So there you have it. If you’re a recovering sectional eater like myself, there’s no better way to cure yourself than by getting one of these two cinnamon delights accompanying your favorite meal.

Wendy’s Classic Cinnamon Roll: 4/5
McDonald’s Cinnamon Melts: 3.5/5

Until the next sauce,

Andrew

Review: Burger King Apple Fries, Chicken Fries, and French Fries

First of all, feel free to throw your email over in the box to in the upper right area of the site to sign up for the official g&gg mailing list.

Back in the nineties, Burger King spent millions and millions of dollars on research and development for what was to be their new french fry. All of this money, and along with an ad campaign with Mr. Potato Head brought BK's fries into what we have today. Because of Burger King's illustrious history with fries, it seemed quite necessary to go and have a genuine gimmick lunch at Burger King and take a look at the regular french fries as well as the new and supposedly healthy Apple Fries, and the biggest gimmick of them all, the Chicken Fries.

First off, this was one of my most confusing and dumbfounding transactions to date. When I go to fast food restaurants, I don't expect things to be easy. Employees at fast food restaurants usually aren't the most receptive to change. So when I went to Burger King on this particular day, I had a plan set out. I was going to order three single items and just deal with the fact that it would most likely be pricey. So whenever I said "i'll have an order of the chicken fries, with an order of apple fries" and was promptly cut off, card taken from me, had it swiped, and then handed back to me, I was literally speechless. It was a classic case of the "employee combo assumption". I had been outfitted for a combo that I desperately didn't want. I decided that this was a day to not cause a stir so I would simply just take my Chicken Fries with the Apple Fries, bail on the regular fries and sip on the Diet Pepsi anyway.

What happened next was nothing short of fate or fantasy. I was given my order with regular fries. In a staunch move I spoke up and asked for the healthy alternative that I was entitled too. The woman promptly handed me the apple fries and refused to take back the regular fries. In the end I got what I had wanted to begin with, plus beverage. Maybe things would work out after all.



If you take a look at this large poster-like advertisement, one can only wonder what's really going on here. Is BK getting large inhumane carts full of fresh gala's? Did the King just go out and round up and hire a whole slew of apple cutters to carefully formulate these once darling little apples into fry shaped strips? Well I was besmirched enough by this poster that I had to investigate.


Here are my apple fries:

Not exactly looking like that poster, eh? In one of the most classic examples of fast food false advertising, the Apple Fries were nowhere to be seen... What happened to the picture where they were bursting out the Fry-pod, almost tearing it at the seams. How can anyone get this and not have a feeling of at least a little disappointment. I mean if fast food customers are making a conscious effort to be healthy, the least thing you could do is give them something more.

It turns out that the box wasn't empty, but either the picture is the handiwork of an extremely good food modeler aka the best profession of all time, or they simply doubled even tripled the serving size for the picture. I was left with something like eight or nine quality sized "apple fries" and a handful of niblets.



The accompanying caramel sauce was touted as being low fat and made for hearty dipping. The Apple Fries did indeed taste like fresh apples and the sauce wasn't lacking either. So I'll have to give the Apple Dippers a 2/5 because of the simple fact that presentation and execution just weren't making the necessary connections.


Next I moved on to a full time menu item, that desperately needed to be reviewed based on the fact of its packaging. Somewhere along the line Burger King decided it was a good idea to throw fun and witty jokes on their fast food containers. As you take a look at this carton like contraption, you find yourself asking, what could this possibly contain?





The simple answer is chicken fries. A fry like strip of chicken that is specifically designed for dipping.

As you can see in the picture below, the carton is specifically designed to hold your sauce pouch, making dipping all the more convenient. After all, its so much easier to dip something using a wobbly flap of paper as support instead of a hard plastic table. I dearly hope, whoever designed this didn't get promoted as stated. But you have to wonder if BK can really proclaim to the masses that they promoted this guy, without actually doing it?



Despite these ridiculous statements I forged on and plopped my favorite sauce down into the designated area. I thought it would have been a lot easier, but I guess BK is giving promotions to anyone right now.



So I was ready to go. In what I hope will be a continuing trend with g&gg I decided to take a short clip of the actual eating approach:

There are many observations to take from that 16 seconds. First off, the chicken fries look just as advertised. Like some sort of deranged chicken string experiment that went terribly wrong. The selected "fry" I picked up had a distinct curvature to it as well. Exactly what part of the chicken is this again? Moving on, you can see how stable the sauce contraption is. My first dip almost toppled the whole ordeal. Lastly, you can see my sloppy self bite down. Its hard not to grimace at the flavor of the Chicken Fries. They have a very distinctive bold and bitter flavor. Too overpowering for its own good I was caught off guard on how BK could mishandle such an easy assignment. I'll have to give the Chicken Fries a 1.5/5. The packaging and the claims in it yields along with the mismanaged flavor left me clamoring for a cleansed palate.



I quickly moved on the regular fries, hoping that old faithful wouldn't let me down. I have always been a fan of BK's fries and my feelings have not changed. I've always been high of the crispy factor and I won't let the critics stop me from saying that they're better than McDonald's or Wendy's fries. I'll give them a 4/5.



What you see here is the bottom of the BK "Fry Pod". This is just another example of the fast food industry trying to destroy more lives. As if it weren't enough to eat this food in the safe dwellings of the restaurant, BK is going out of their way to get you to eat their food while driving. Burger King wants your two cup holders in the driving area to be outfitted with not only your beverage but also your fries. With the burger on your lap, you're only a mayo drip or a pothole away from disaster. BK is not only trying to make you gain weight, they're also trying to make it all too easy for you to cause a 10 car pile up.


Burger King Apple Fries: 2/5
Burger KIng Chicken Fries 1.5/5
Burger King French Fries: 4/5


Check back later as Mike begins his tour of the world of fast food mushroom gimmicks with the Gourmet Mushroom Swiss Burger from Wendy's.

Until the next sauce,

Andrew

Review: Vault Zero

Ever since I began to realize that my metabolism wouldn’t hold me off forever, I have been drinking diet pop. From my past review on A&W’s Diet Cream Soda you guys can see that I search the ends of the world for niche beverages that are something new, exciting, and still diet.

So far some of the best ones I’ve found include the Coke Zero: Cherry, Diet Mountain Dew, as well as the aforementioned cream soda delight. The diet soda mentality is a lifestyle. One must commit to it or you’ll find yourself foaming at the mouth with a 2 lb bag of Sour Patch Kids to suffice your sugar fix. One must accept the fact that these don’t taste like regular pop, but the truly great ones come close to a moderate emulation.

I have always been skeptical of diet energy drinks. Energy drinks taste like rat poison to begin with, so I figured that taking the sugar out would only cause further disaster. I have tried diet versions of Rip It and Red Bull in the past and have come away with my tongue on house arrest.

This leads me to this interesting find, Vault Zero. Vault is an energy soda. This is kind of confusing because makers of Vault clearly are segmenting energy drinks and energy sodas. First off, I never really understood the difference. I was always under the impression that energy drinks were soda, but with a whole lot more caffeine and other herbal ingredients. Upon further review, it appears that energy soda only includes mass additions of caffeine and not things such as taurine and gurarana.

If you remember back in the day, Coke produced a beverage called Surge. It was later discontinued but according to my sources (Wikipedia), Vault includes almost the same ingredients as Surge but with even more caffeine.



I was a huge Surge fan back in my childhood so whenever I saw that not only Vault had arrived, but its “zero” counterpart as well, I was ecstatic. I was quite confused by the label on the bottle that said that this was a low calorie soda. Upon further review of the nutritional information I was even further baffled. The label said that there were 0 calories in one serving but there were 2.5 servings in the bottle. The last time I multiplied anything by zero I ended up with nothing. So whether you want to believe this is a “low calorie” or a “no calorie” soda, it’s up to you.



But in all honesty, this is one of the better diet drinks I’ve had in quite some time. Same great citrus taste as surge, plenty of caffeine to keep you awake during those pesky night classes, and still no sugar, (I’m also assuming no calories).

Vault Zero combines the benefits of caffeine without sacrificing taste or unnecessary weight gain. So I’ll have to give it a 4/5.

Vault Zero 4/5

Until the next sauce,

Andrew

Classic Review: Burger King Whopper

First off, this review comes via a request from Tricia repping Slippery Rock University, PA.

This is the second installment of the Classic Review series. So far I have been hearing mixed feelings on this set of reviews. Opinions have ranged from anger due to the fact that I’m not bringing anything new to the table while some other people have enjoyed seeing my take on the classics. Whatever your opinions are, feel free to leave me comments so we can get a barometer on how the people are feeling. Because of the fact that this review came by request, we’re going to keep the classic review train rolling through the station for now.

Before I begin my review of the Whopper, I just wanted to give you readers a shoutout. Despite my meager goals of getting 10 people to look at my site, we have recently attained the 200 unique hit mark. People from at least 14 different states and someone from Seoul, Korea have tuned in to get insight on fast food and hopefully to laugh. So for all of you readers, we just want to say thanks and continue tuning in, and please tell all your friends.

Now, it’s time to move on to BK. For as long as I can remember, McDonald’s and Burger King have been the titans of the fast food industry. Wendy’s has always been there, but as far as worldwide popularity and market share it has been the king and the clown going at it. As you have read before, I gave the Big Mac a solid 3.5/5. The Big Mac is an all time classic; it tastes good, but has the tendency to be a slipshod health hazard. Moving on to the Whopper, we must first take a look at where the Big Mac and Whopper differ.



The Big Mac takes the vertical approach to burgers. With three buns, including a largely unnecessary bottom bun meandered into the middle of the sandwich; the Big Mac has some great height. In my experience, this had directly led to a surplus of sandwich meltdowns. We’ve all been there, we know the fear you get whenever you’re eating this burger. By having to use so much leverage with your hands to get a grapple, you end up squeezing too hard, and then you can’t even afford to put it down because picking it up again will only lead to heartbreak and sadness.

The Whopper takes a different look, as it goes for horizontal and/or wide approach. Sporting the diameter of a small basketball, the Whopper is much flatter than the Big Mac and a sure grip can easily be attained. Taking bites doesn’t require one to dislocate their jaw to field the 4 plus inches of height of the Big Mac either.



Burger King’s Whopper consists of a sesame seed bun, a flame broiled burger patty, lettuce, onions, tomatoes, pickles, mayo, and ketchup. Not sporting any cheese in its original form concerns me, for I’ve always been a fan of cheeseburgers opposed to hamburgers. So I forked over the extra $.44 to get the cheese. But that’s just my personal preference.

The Whopper truly shined during my review. I’ve always liked the taste of BK’s burgers. Supposedly they’re cooked over flames, though I’ve never witnessed anything more than heating trays in the back. Whatever it is, the burgers have always had a distinct taste that is genuine and unique. The toppings were fresh and throughout the meal I nary needed a napkin. The short and wide approach has always worked for many humans, and it works here when it comes to burgers.




I’m going to give the Whopper a 4/5. I’m aware this might cause stirs from the McDonald’s nation, but I won’t lie about my opinions. A less sloppy and tastier treat will bag this boy every time.

As a side note, I want to make everyone aware of the fact that BK houses one of my all time favorite sauces. Entitled the “Zesty Sauce”, the sauce is a creamy horseradish-esque tapestry that accompanies the onion rings.




Despite this, I enjoy dipping my fries in it as well. It is in fact zesty and tangy. I really like this stuff, I even went as far as telling g and double g reader Kristy that if they bottled the stuff, I’d probably put it on my cereal”. However, I quickly rescinded the comment, based on the fact that onion ring sauce would probably damper most anyone’s Frosted Flakes.



Anyways, the Whopper is tasty burger that edges out the Big Mac in my book. Go out and try some Zesty Sauce too. You won’t regret it.

Whopper 4/5
Zesty Sauce 5/5

Until the next sauce,

Andrew

Update: WE DID IT!

We have lots to update tonight.

Well, congratulations America, we did it. We managed to order enough of the new McDonalds Angus Burgers to make them officially a permanent menu item. Our friends in Boston and Minnesota will finally have the privilege of enjoying the burgers that we have been fortunate enough to indulge in for months. This goes to show that, like in the presidential election, every purchase could make a difference, and it clearly did.

In our last update there was some speculation that although Wendy's had moved on to the Gourmet Mushroom Swissburger, it was still possible to order the flavor dipped sandwiches. Well I am here to tell you that not only is this the case, but you can practically flavor dip anything. Tonight when G&GG went to Wendy's to consume the Swissburger, Andrew asked if the flavor dip was still available, and to test the limits ordered the Homestyle Chicken Grill flavor dipped in buffalo. It caused quite a bit of confusion among the Wendy's staff so we recommend to only pull a maneuver like this if there is a veteran crew working.

In other news, The Arby's Chicken Cordon Blu made a triumphant return to their promo/gimmick rotation and Taco Bell introduced the Fully Loaded Nachos complete with outlandish coverage claims defying you to find a bare chip. Expect G&GG to test this out.

Mike

Review: KFC Fully Loaded Big Box

Going into this review, I had the unfortunate experience of reading the nutritional information regarding the KFC Fully Loaded Big Box. With an estimated 1600 calories, the meal shouldn't be legal to sell without a permit. But because of my duties to bring the truth to the people I fasted for the first half of the day so that I could take on the big box without perishing later. Well this was the plan atleast.



The Big Box has been around for years and is just another example of why America is fat. I remember a few years back a high school friend was entertaining a foreign exchange student for the summer during the period when the KFC Snacker was being introduced. In a matter of a few months, the kid from Europe had gained a hefty twenty pounds. Just goes to show you that the Colonel is still trying to kill you from beyond the grave.



The Fully Loaded Box Meal, is the pretty much the same as the original Big Box meal, except that it adds a KFC Snacker instead of Popcorn Chicken. KFC is the kind of place that I feel should just be barely hanging on. Their food is traditionally sloppy. When I was younger, my family had ordered a bucket of chicken that included a fried chicken beak and a complete piece of batter with no chicken encased whatsoever. I feel as though that I'm doing KFC a favor when I eat there but for whatever reason the place is always crowded. And another tradition is the fact that the employees are never organized, not suited to handle a rush, and never get anything right.

So walking into KFC, I was ready for Slopfest '08. I certainly did not leave disappointed.

While in the line, I was the beneficiary of one of the largest sideswipes humanly possible. Being cut in line, blatantly in fact, at KFC. Its one thing to feel slighted, but its just depressing whenever something like this happens in such an establishment. Its like being stranded at a rest stop in South Dakota without any pants. Things just can't get much worse.

So I eventually get waited on, and I order the fully loaded big box. This is quite the complex order because there are variables a plenty. First off we have the snacker. There are many varieties including, buffalo, nacho cheese, fish, and barbeque. But I felt like it was the right thing to go with the original. Then there's the two options for sides. KFC has the largest bamboozle of sides this side of the Cape of Good Hope. The sides include baked beans, corn on the cob, potato wedges, mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, cole slaw, green beans, corn niblets, and rice. I was completely caught off guard during the exchange and I ended up ordering the cheese paste and the potato wedges. Lastly I was asked whether I wanted a leg or a thigh of the original recipe chicken. Upon choosing the leg, I was told that they were out of legs. Upon saying that a thigh would be fine I was told that they were out of thighs as well. Hmmm, something seems off whenever I was given two possible options and they were both gone. All very typical KFC. So I ended up getting an Extra Crispy drumstick. The meal is topped off with two Original Recipe strips and a 32 oz beverage. I attempted to save my life by getting Diet Pepsi whenever I was met with a sign reading "The Diet Pepsi are out". Keeping in mind that there was only one Diet Pepsi spicket you'll have an idea of what kind of intellect I was dealing with.



As you can see, to my bitter disappointment, this was not a big box meal at all. This was a Big Tray Box Meal. How can you be selling a promotional item and not even attempt to recreate the product advertised. I mean, its the name of the meal. The least you can do is attempt to give me a box.

So I started to eat individual items. First off was the KFC Snacker.



What you see here is the artist formerly known as a sandwich. Upon opening the wrapper, the sandwich just came undone. Its hard to even see where the sandwich starts and ends. But I made due and ate the sandwich as best as I could. The KFC Snacker is simple, its just a bun with lettuce and mayo. It was probably the highlight of my meal. Which is saying something after you take a look at that picture.

Next I decided to take on the sides.



The Potato Wedges looked pretty good. But unfortunately they were limp beyond belief. There was an extreme sog factor that could only be compared to a flooded public restroom. You just don't want your potatoes to be that mushy.




I don't know what planet these came from, but I've never seen mac and cheese before that didn't stay mixed together. As you can see, the cheese is almost afraid of the noodles. I actually ate some whole noodles that were naked of cheese, as the pasty cheese concoction flaked off like a Head and Shoulders commercial. I could literally feel this muddled mess destroying my intestines as I ate it.



The KFC Biscuit is a classic. Warm, buttery, flaky. Nothing could go wrong with it and nothing did. They finally got something moderately right.



Lastly we'll head to the chicken. The Original Recipe strips should be renamed to nuggets. Greasy, puny, and rather uninspired. The colonel's original recipe was truly lost in translation. Last but not least, we had the Extra Crispy drumstick. This was in definitely in the top four worst things I have ever eaten. I took my first bite and it felt like I bit into a swamp. There was so much grease waiting for me inside that there was a palpable drip of death onto my tray.




Thats the carnage that was left. Little did I know that this looks peaceful and serene compared to what was happening to my body. It wasn't long before I felt awful. It wasn't even as if I had a stomachache as much as I had a full body ache. My legs weren't circulating blood correctly and I began having what seemed like blurred vision. Eating food should not do this to you. I don't know what KFC does with their food but radioactivity and nuclear fusion quite possibly are two of the 13 herbs and spices in the Colonel's Original Recipe.

I have to give the Fully Loaded Big Box a 1.5/5. The worst rating in g&gg's history. I didn't eat anything for the next fifteen hours and I contemplated never eating again. Like I said before, food, fast food or not, should not do this to you.




To top it all off, as I left KFC I was bombarded with audacity and cockiness. KFC literally has a sign that says "See ya tomorrow". How can KFC even expect anyone to make multiple trips to their establishment in the course of a month, let alone tomorrow.

So if you want to drink grease, burn up your intestines, clog your arteries, and lose three and half months off of your life, by all means go out and get the Fully Loaded Big Box Meal.

KFC Fully Loaded Big Box: 1.5/5

Until the next sauce,

Andrew

Update: Wendy's Flavor Dipped Chicken Sandwiches Replaced

As I have known my whole life, the fast food gimmick industry doesn’t come without turnover. The Flavor Dipped Chicken sandwiches have already been phased out. Wendy’s has already moved onto the “Gourmet Mushroom and Swiss Burger”:



If you missed out on the flavor dips, shame on you. But the word on the street is they’ll still make them for you if you ask, despite the fact they’re off the menu. There are also rumblings of the fact that the sandwiches still could be added permanently to Wendy's Chicken Temptations line. So we'll keep you updated

And don’t worry, we’ll be reviewing Wendy’s new gourmet offering as soon as it hits the fryers.

Review: Pizza Hut Tuscani Pastas

Pizza Hut has and always will be a form of fast food. There's no way around it. They have been making pre-fabricated pizza like no body's business for a number of years without much of a fuss. The pan crust is uniform and predictable, because when you order a pepperoni pan pizza from the ‘Hut you know what you’ll be getting. This isn’t a bad thing, but when you go to most quality restaurants you won’t find this to be the case. But now, Pizza Hut is stretching out their wings and making some pretty bold and brash statements:

REVIEW: Starbuck's Doubleshot: Energy+Coffee Beverage

Well if energy drinks haven't gotten ridiculous to begin with, charging unsuspecting students $3.00 for a ten minute caffeine jolt, followed by a three hour crash, and lifetime of suffering, Starbuck's has upped the ante by coming out with their own form of an energy drink.

Combining coffee, assorted flavors, and then an "energy blend", this beverage has the makings to be a huge disaster. Guarana, caffeine, and sugar just aren't good for you. Plus you add the fact that this drink includes milk fat? This drink could possibly take a couple weeks off of your life.

I have always thought energy drinks have been poor tasting, but I always used to drink them out of necessity during late night cram sessions. But then I received word from someone, looking into my best interests, that these things cause heart disease and could potentially cause heart attacks...

So I pretty much stopped from that point on. In a moment of weakness and for g and double g's sake I took on this beast. Expecting the worst I opened her up and took a deep swig.



What I got was something that tasted a lot like a Yoohoo. There was a good coffee flavor and the mocha was a nice accent. I've also heard good things about the Vanilla and straight Coffee. I got a decent energy boost as well and never really came off as crashing. So if you're willing to risk future health problems and want some energy, try out the Starbuck's Doubleshot: Energy + Coffee

Starbuck's Doubleshot: Energy + Coffee: 3.5/5


Until the next sauce,

Andrew

REVIEW: Arby's Melt, Popcorn Chicken Shakers, and Loaded Potato Bites with Bacon

With the exception of Taco Bell, no other fast food eatery relies so heavily on gimmicks, goodies, and other nonsensical items as Arby’s. Arby’s is a little different from most fast food joints because their staple item is a roast beef sandwich and not a burger. Supposedly sliced in the back on a Seinfeld quality Kramer slicer, the roast beef is extremely tasty and most likely extremely bad for you. But besides this, Arby’s has added on to their menu with countless wraps, chicken sandwiches, Market Fresh deli esque sandwiches, specialty sandwiches such as Reuben’s, toasted subs, and my personal favorites: taking normal food items and then frying them into triangles.

So it was only a matter of time before g and double g took a trip to the local Arby’s food stand and enjoyed a gimmick meal. On a side note, I originally wanted to review Arby’s Mac and Cheesers because they screamed for this site. Frying mac and cheese? Yeah, Arby’s has been there and done that. The product life cycle consisted of about a month though, and I was deeply saddened to hear that they were no longer available. I remember, a few weeks back (pre g&gg days) my colleague Mike and I ate these just to be able to say that we did. They were surprisingly good and quite possibly gave me some sort of brain damage. But I can’t review something that I don’t have photographic evidence of, it wouldn’t be fair to you readers. It’s hard to imagine a meeting in the Arby’s board room where real managers actually sat down, discussed and approved the creation of the Mac and Cheesers, but on to current products.




As you can see, Arby’s has a sufficiently large menu, containing a wide variety of products. It always seemed weird to me that you can get a deli sandwich in the same place where you can get the three products I purchased. But with a wide variety of products, the more people you will be able to attract. Speaking of which, Arby’s was packed. The local Arby’s is quite literally a dump, complete with a 70’s style décor, and a terrible design this place isn’t exactly craving customers, but for my visit the place was thriving. And I counted at least four remotely attractive females there too. When I think of the average female Arby’s customer the words snaggle tooth and Mitch come to mind, but its good to see that Arby’s can bring society together to clog our arteries as one.

So I bought three items, all of which I consider to be classic Arby’s gimmick food. First off, in an effort to compete with the dollar double cheeseburgers of the world, Arby’s had reduced the price of their Arby’s Melt by a staggering twenty cents.



Now for 99 cents, anyone can enjoy this simple sandwich for a limited time only. The sandwich consists of a bun, roast beef, and cheddar cheese sauce. One may ask, what the difference between this and the normal Beef and Cheddar is, and the answer is size.



The Arby’s Melt is quite puny in fact, coming with a smaller bun, smaller amount of roast beef, and a smaller amount of cheese sauce.I couldn’t even see the customary Arby’s overflowage of cheese when I first unwrapped this guy. The sandwich tasted good but because of its weak stature I have to give it a 2.5.

Next we have the Popcorn Chicken Shakers. What we have here is popcorn chicken, in a small tub with a closed Slurpee like dome on top.




The trick here is that you’re given a choice of either buffalo or barbeque sauce to dump on your chicken.




Then you close up your lid and shake.



This leaves you with saturated and saucy pop corn chicken bites.



Nothing like making the customers do some manual work before they get to eat. What an obvious gimmick. I felt kind of weird shaking my satchel of breaded chicken but it was all in good fun. These were actually quite good and the sauce was pretty tangy. Word on the street is that the barbeque is good as well, so I will give the Popcorn Chicken Shakers a 3.

Lastly we head over to the normal food fried triangle department. While mac and cheese is out, Arby’s has stuck with their Loaded Potato Bites with Bacon.



Let’s take what everyone loves about a loaded baked potato and fry it. We have potato morsels, cheese, sour cream and ranch sauce, and hunks of bacon (or so I thought). The sour cream and ranch sauce seems like a daring combination to me, but why not I guess.





These potato bites were another surprise hit. Everything hit on all cylinders except for the fact that there was no bacon present at all.



As you can clearly see there is no hint of red anywhere in there, despite the subtle bacon flavor. I’ll have to give the Loaded Potato Bites a 3.5/5 just because of the false bacon advertising scam.

So as the gimmick meal came to an end, I found myself quite satisfied. Three gimmick foods each with their own particular ploy: be it price, pre eating activity, or fried nature, all of these were tasty. So when you get the chance, head over to your local Arby’s and try a cluster bomb of food products from their vast menu, it won’t be too hard.


Arby's Melt: 2.5/5
Popcorn Chicken Shakers: 3/5
Loaded Potato Bites with Bacon: 3.5/5

Until the next sauce,

Andrew